Getting Sad, Then Angry, Then Arrested

I started to mourn everything in the hours after I found out who I was dating and supposed to marrying.  The next day I felt numb.  Ok, I was incredibly sleep deprived, but still….   I made plans with him like I normally would, I went to pick him up like I normally would, came back to my house like I normally would and slept with him like I normally would.  For once I was using him in reverse.  I felt nothing.  It meant nothing, but I wanted him to know that after the fact.  Immediately after instead of wanting to cuddle in the afterglow, I point-blank asked him who Mary was.  He looked at me like I was nuts.  Kind of like the tilted dog head look.  Then I asked him who someone else was and he again tilted his head.  I said you know, your exes?  He took in a deep sign and asked me how I found out.  I told him that was irrelevant but that I knew everything.  I knew how many exes he truly had and all of the kids he fathered.  And here he was telling me he was adopted, so alone in the world, longest relationship was about 4 years, never had kids, never married, working for the British government and owned his own medical records company.  I very, very much resisted the urge to just throw him out of my house in that moment.  I really did.  It would have felt SO good!  I wanted him to be up a creek without a paddle and I also partially expected him to just walk out of my house and I would have gotten great delight at the thought of him finding his way back to Cherry Hill (about a half hour away) all on his lonesome.  I think he knew that I had him by the balls in that very moment.  Instead of all of the excuses and the like that I truly expected from him, he started to talk about it.  He talked about some of his exes.  I asked him why he lied to me and he said that he knew that he needed to tell me soon.  We were having a baby and getting married.  He knew he would need his real name for the birth certificate and the marriage certificate.  I knew he was full of shit.  I work in labor and delivery!  I know that you absolutely do NOT have to list a father on the birth certificate and if you do, here in New Jersey they have to show ID in order to be listed.  After reading Mary’s book, it would explain his distance after I broke him the happy news just weeks before.  He probably wouldn’t have shown up for the birth as he didn’t show up for the birth of several of his children.  At one point he had two wives and 2-3 fiancées all at once.  His two wives and the nanny of the first wife were all pregnant within the same 12 month span!!!  I told him he was a man whore and he agreed that he was.  As he talked my inner voice wanted to shout out “BULLSHIT”!!!!!   To mean his mouth was flapping but I don’t know what was true and what wasn’t.  I would verify it with Mary later on.  He continued to talk and I told him that I couldn’t continue the relationship.  He feigned a hurt look on his face and said that he would never desert me, never turn his back on me and asked if we could be friends.  I told him yes but that I needed time to get over such egregious lies on his part.  He said he understood.  He had been renovating my son’s room and he packed all of his tools.  Him doing that was a relief because it meant that him taking his shit with him meant he never had to come back to my house for anything and if I never talked to him again a day in my life, I wouldn’t have to take it to him.  To me it was a win all the way around!  He started taking things out to my car on the assumption that I was going to take him back.  Ok, I’m not that big of a bitch despite him really deserving me to be.  I should have just told him to hop the bus with his guitar and tools or take the light rail. The image of him lugging that around amused me, but again I’m not totally heartless unfortunately. So I took him back to where I picked him up from and he still had to walk things to wherever he was going.  He told me that he still loved me and that wasn’t going to change but he understood that I needed to think about things.  In reality?  I didn’t have to think about a thing.  Not a single solitary thing.  I told him we could still be friends since he did get me through some tough times in the previous year, but didn’t mention all of the things that he had caused in the past year.  As he walked away, I continued to feel numb.  I needed to make a decision and fast.  The following day I made an appointment to terminate and I know I’m going to catch some flack for this.  I figured I still had a week to make a final decision, but deep in my heart I knew I couldn’t do it.  We had conceived this child under false pretenses.  At least on his part.  Had I known his past I would ABSOLUTELY not continue a relationship with him. He was a psychopath with mental illness being shown through several generations per genealogy research.  He also has no contact or is supportive of any of his dozen plus children (that are known, there might be others that aren’t known about) so why on earth would I think that he would support this child too?  I was already a single mom whose ex is only marginally in their lives and not at all by what he is ordered to see them or do for them, but who am I to force it on either party when it would only cause stress and strife?  Everyone knows how to contact everyone else and everyone knows where everyone else lives.  It’s not all that difficult.  I tried for a long time to foster relationships and I was tired of doing it. Everyone will learn on their own.

I asked the newly minted William Jordan (and not the Liam Allen her purported himself to be) what he thought I should do, what did he see for our future.  He said that he would support any decision I chose but felt like he shouldn’t choose for me.  Of course he flaked on giving me any real concrete answer other than the politically correct one which was none at all.  In terms of what he wanted for us long-term, he said he still wanted the same future we were planning, even if it went off course for a while.  He said that we could be “on a break” for a few weeks, a few months, a year………whatever it took for me to feel safe and secure again.  Frankly?  Nothing.  Once my pregnancy was over, I no longer had ties to him any longer and was absolutely free of him. I just needed to think about what I was going to do.  One thing I was absolutely sure about, one thing that I was so incredibly positive about…..I didn’t want anyone else to go through the hell that I had gone through in the year before. I just needed to figure out how to do that.

Mary is an absolutely special sort of soul.  She took me under her wing when I was ashamed, scared and really confused.  She got me to see that I had nothing to be ashamed of.  That I did nothing wrong but just trust the wrong man, a conniving man who is really good and slick at what he does. She told me that he tends to pick really stable and strong women because it’s a challenge to him.  There would be nothing fun for him to mentally challenge if someone was gullible and easy to fool.  It would be boring.  Her words were just so helpful to me that I will forever be indebted to her.  She is also the gatekeeper of victims, I hate to say.  One by one she put me in touch with more and more of his victims.  Each story I heard I realized that I had a tapestry of a story.  There were bits and pieces of each and every one of their stories in my story.  I was the culmination of it all.  I was so incredibly sad that there were so many.  They were incredibly sad that it was still going on.  It had been a few years since a victim had come forward to Mary so perhaps they all thought that he stopped or finally got his life together.  My take is that he went through women and either they got sick of his crap and dumped him before they found out who he truly was, found out who he was and were so ashamed of being conned that they kind of went into silent hiding or they did know and didn’t do anything about it.  I don’t know. I may never know.  I am hoping that by taking my story public, someone, anyone will come forward.  They don’t have to put a public face to their story the way I am or Mary has.  I want them to know that they’re not alone.  There are many of us, unfortunately. My hurt is still very new compared to some who have had years to come to terms with the damage that this man has done to them. I wouldn’t be as stable or would I have been able to make the choices I made in the weeks after finding out about him.

Nine weeks from the day that I found out the truth about William Allen Jordan, I had him arrested.  I worked with local authorities for weeks.  Pretending that he and I could work it out, pretending that he could rebuild my trust all the while printing out my backed up text messages and emails for the authorities and conversing with his exes to verify which stories he told me were true and which were false.  Every day that he and I met?  I would run back to them with his stories.  Even after a couple of weeks I didn’t want to scare him off, so I told him that I stopped talking to them because it was too overwhelming for me. I hope that the day he got arrested, that he realized that the whole 9 weeks since I found out that the tables were turned on him.  He may have suspected, he may not have trusted me.  It may have been a case of keep your friends close and enemies closer.  I was relieved to see him hauled away in handcuffs.  I slept so soundly in the 5 weeks it’s been since he got arrested. His other victims have expressed similar thoughts.  Not only can I sleep soundly that he will not manipulate me any more, but while he is behind bars, he’s not hurting other women, children or families out there.  He may try to manipulate other inmates or guards in prison, but I hope the see through his charm. I can only imagine what he has told the others there.  That I’m some embittered ex girlfriend with an ax to grind?  Hardly.  The evidence will speak for itself.  I guess it’s a good thing I’m such a poor listener when he said to delete “sensitive” emails.  Instead I backed them up and emailed them to myself.  I hope I’m the last he hurts for a very long time after this.  But first I hope he gets a lengthy prison sentence.

Rape by deception is a fairly new concept.  I know it’s setting a legal precedent out there but being the victim of such a crime, I’m certainly feeling passionate about it. No, I’m not saying that every man or woman out there who has an affair and tells their significant other that they’re single when they really aren’t should be open to prosecution when the truth comes out.  But in a case like this where he lied about his entire EXISTENCE and used those lies to rob me of my sanctity, my body, my knowing CONSENT!  I asked him why he didn’t tell me sooner.  He said he was afraid to lose me.  You think??!??!   He told me the “honest is the best policy” tactic ended up getting him burnt.  No kidding!?!??!   Someone with a lengthy track record like that deserves to be alone.  He will only bring misery to whomever comes across his path.  When you add up his victims plus his children who are also victims plus the established kids of the women he met (since he prefers single moms) and then add in the family members of each victim that he met, associates, etc across at least 5 countries and 3 continents, there has to be over 100 victims who have had some sort of direct contact with William Allen Jordan, Will Allen, Bill Jordan, Guillaume Allen, Liam Allen, William Jones, William Jordan and God knows how many other aliases he possibly has……………

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