Archive | June 2014

Nicole’s Law, Nightmares and Grand Jury

So a few things have happened in the last week: first I received a phone call from my friend <a title=”Joyce Short” href=”http://cadalert.blogspot.com/”>Joyce Short</a> saying that she was contacted through her blog and she told me that I was entitled to something called Nicole’s Law which allows a victim of a sexual offense to obtain a restraining order against the offender without ever having to go to court to face them.  Basically everything I have gone through for my restraining order the last month which was then denied by a misogynistic judge was for nothing.  I didn’t have to face Will Jordan in court, I didn’t have to pay attorney fees, I didn’t have to stress over date after date after date and waste my time, including calling out of work one night in order to go to court the next day.  I called my victim’s advocate and left a fairly scathing voicemail for her asking why no one ever offered this to me.  I also went to my local police department and asked them why they didn’t offer it to me either, knowing what I was going through.  Everyone said they didn’t know.  Well you can best bet, they all know now.  Nicole’s mother called both the prosecutor’s office as well as my local police department and read everyone the riot act to not know the law that she and her daughter fought so hard to obtain through their own experiences. I received a call at 11am the next morning saying that I was granted a Nicole’s Law restraining order and that the paperwork would be put in the mail for me.  I received it the very next day with William Jordan’s horrible signature on it so I knew he was served it in jail.   As of today he has spent 9 weeks and 2 days behind bars.  Nine weeks of knowing that he isn’t conning any woman out of anything, that he isn’t manipulating any woman, her children or her family for his own selfish gains. Nine weeks that I have been able to give his other victims solace for the same reasons.

This brings me to the nightmares.  For the last couple of weeks I have been having nightmares often relating to William Jordan. They’re not menacing, per se.  They are typically normal situations, everyday goings on but in my dream’s mind I know that he is an evil man and I can feel the anxiety and stress of being with him in my dream. I have also been having nightmares about work which is weird because work is a place that I find solace.  It’s a place where we generally do NOT talk about William Jordan, my case or anything else going on unless someone specifically asks me about it or if I haven’t seen a certain co-worker in a while and they want an update.  I have no problem talking about it but I know that work is somewhere that I can escape from it for the most part. I have even had nightmares of Will Jordan IN my workplace.  Talk about horrific. Sometimes I have enough wherewithal in my dream to tell myself to wake up and sometimes I am cognizant to know that it’s just a dream but can’t wake up from it and am forced to torment through it.  Sometimes I can tell my dream self that it’s not real, that it’s just a dream.  It’s hard to describe being aware in a dream.  It’s like looking in a mirror that’s facing a mirror and you see a million reflections of yourself? It’s my head telling my dream head which is having thoughts of its own.

Lastly is grand jury.  It was this past Thursday.  It’s where the Prosecutor, law enforcement and a jury of about 23 people are all convened.  It’s closed.  I’m not there, Will Jordan isn’t there, no attorneys.  The Prosecutor has to convince this jury of a majority vote on my charges and Will Jordan can get indited on them.  I know that the sexual assault charge is the most borderline one but the one I need the most to get the most amount of jail. It would be 6+ years and what carries the bulk of his bail.  Per my victim’s advocate it will take a week to get the results to where they are public.  The prosecutor did not want to talk to me, didn’t want my additional evidence and outside of my victim’s impact statement, would take nothing from me.  The day before I called my advocate just crying. I told her to tell the prosecutor on my case to please do a good job.  I just couldn’t hold my emotions back anymore.  I have been doing the dull fugue state for a while now.  Lost in the beginning and then tucked my emotions far away and focused on the tasks at hand, at the interminable “to do” list, tackle each hurdle as it came.  Part of me so wants to be done with all of this but I know I will never be done.  It will never end because if I stop then it makes it easy for him to get out, to do this again and for his victims to stay hidden.  I hope that they eventually come across me, come across Mary Turner Thomson and have the strength to come to us for help.   I hope that in the 9.5 weeks that William Jordan has been incarcerated, I have saved at least one if not multiple women from being wronged, hurt, conned or impregnated by him.  If one of the women that he has recently been with or was currently conversing with has given up on him – fantastic.  I am sure as the sun rises that there are others, that there have been others.  It’s too weird that he had a grey Honda Pilot for the first 5 months of our relationship and then nothing. I speaking with his exes, I may have been his “safe haven” that was his home base and then there might have been one who was just financial, another who was sexual, etc – a role for each woman.  Being he was talking marriage, encouraging me to go on with my education, he was probably thinking long-term with me.  I don’t rightly care.  The truth would have come out eventually and had he come to me on his own?  Who knows.  I may not have taken the road I had.  I may have given him credit for being honest with me and walked away with my tail between my legs.  I know for damned sure I would not have stayed.  He likes to reel his victims back in.  That’s where his chase begins, where it gets “fun” and “challenging” for the psychopathic mind.  I find that absolutely sickening.  I can’t envision a person without empathy, without the ability to form real and meaningful connections with people.  I’m a nurse.  My whole career is enveloped in compassion, empathy and care.  I help take care of life’s smallest and most precious patients.

I have also been blessed to have been put in touch with a bunch of great people along the way of this process. People who tell me I’m strong and inspiring which I still have a hard time believing and people I feel are strong and inspiring.  I feel like a newbie of a strange club of people who have learned to stand up to the evil in the world and at least have some pointers for me and guidance along this horrible road along the way.  I am learning new things, learning how to carve my way, taking notes, trying to remember a lot of things, names, places, facts.  It’s crazy.  I am never going to stop wanting justice for myself and other women in similar circumstances.  Think locally, act globally.  I am starting here and now and going as far as this will take me for as long as it can.  I owe it to everyone.  Keep posted on the results coming later this week!

What a long, strange trip….

Ok what a week it’s been.  I did wallow in my anger and self-pity for a couple of days but I realize that I needed to just take a step back and look at the whole picture.  I’ll still get the civil restraining order and he is 7.5 weeks behind bars.  He went to jail in April and its now June.  I will still get my day in court, though I am pestering my poor Burlington County Victim’s advocate mercilessly. Unfortunately in order to get the Prosecutor’s Office some evidence, I need to hand over my laptop in order to get the evidence off because the files are so large that there is no other way to get them off. *sigh* I also have found out that the case goes to grand jury within 2 weeks and that will determine exactly what William Jordan will actually stand trial for. This is where the jury can downgrade, throw out or amend some charges. I am really hoping that they stick, but I have to be realistic about it. A jury of 23 people have to have 2/3rd or 3/4 of them to believe that the charges can be proven. It’s a radical theory, rape by deception, and most people will probably think that I was just stupid and gullible. I am hoping that all of the evidence that I have gotten the police will back it all up. That he did lie to me repeatedly. That I did try to do my research but because I had not a shred of truth to go on, I didn’t find anything until I snooped in his wallet earlier this year. When I did find out the truth, I turned it all around and tried to make right what was done wrong. I guess I will know in a couple of weeks what happens.

(segue)

As a part of the  William Allen Jordan purging from my life, I have cut off one of his exes which whom relations were turning sour, confusing and I certainly didn’t see what the big deal was that she was going on about, but it was important to her.  Perhaps it was cultural? She accused me of doing and saying things that she didn’t want me to talk about or talk to certain people and without a rational any better than “because I told you to”, it wasn’t a good enough reason to not pursue open channels with people who chose to have them.  Unfortunately control if fleeting in the free world.  We can never truly control anyone on this earth – free will and all…….

As another part of the purge?   I have gone from two phones to one.  Both Apple and Android have their redeeming qualities and can suck when they want to as well, but I like the customizations that Android has. I like not having to be forced to download things JUST from iTunes and Apple’s own market. With Android I can download outside apps and not forced to just use the Google store. Yes, I had to notify a million and one people of my new number. It’s seriously a pain in the ass, but I needed a new start and I know one teenager who was happy to get a second-hand iPhone, so at least it wasn’t a complete and total waste of equipment. Granted I paid for the phone and service for an entire year for no real reason until now.

I have been at peace more in the past week than ever before. I am starting to just feel more like myself. Finding who I am as just myself. Learning to laugh again, enjoy people, enjoy company just as it is with no expectations. Live is short and this period in my lifetime will be even shorter. I’m not wavering from my final goal, from the advocacy, from trying to make change. I’m just not going to let the negative consume me anymore. I’m not going to be in that lost, depressed state just going through the daily motions. Life is just too precious for that. I need to be present for my family, for my friends. I choose life. I don’t choose to be a victim and let William Jordan get the best of me. I am still a work in progress, no doubt. I will have my days, have my moments. But I refuse to what I am labeled as. At least not live my life that way. I am choosing to be what everyone has said I have been: strong, courageous. Ok, there is no manual out there for how to survive being conned, defrauded, deceived and emotionally raped. I think not reading all of the past text messages and emails or going through footage is helping a lot. Not having the past in my face on a daily basis but leaving that behind. I know, come the trial (if there is one, unless he takes a plea deal) I will have to testify and relive all of it. Thats in the future and I can’t dwell on that right now. Take each day as it comes and for what it can provide. Each day comes with no mistakes in it yet. It’s a chance to start fresh every single time. There can be a bad day but it can be left in that day. We learn from our mistakes and hopefully don’t take them forward and repeat them. You can bet that I’m going to screen any potential suitor with great care in the future. Several of my friends and family said they need to pass THEIR test, lol. These are the same people who suspected that something was off with Will Jordan’s story. Those that I dismissed and made excuses to. I’m also going to take my time. Make sure things feel right. It’s not just me but my two kids that I need to think about. Granted there is no guarantee in life that things will work out in the future again, but I need to have hope. Hope in humanity. Hope in love. Hope in the future…..

One Step Back, Keep Moving Forward

It’s been a roller coaster of a week on multiple levels for me.  I do have a full-time job and I am a single mom with two great kids as well as spearheading the fight on this case and advocating for my cause.  Earlier in the week I had to deal with some residual issues leftover from my marriage at a really inopportune time which inconvenienced two days.  On Thursday I had to go back to court for a hearing on my restraining order against William Jordan.  I had worked all night the night before, went home and tried to take a small nap before having to head to the courthouse in the afternoon.  I received an email from my attorney’s secretary saying that there has been a last-minute judge change from the one that I had dealt with the last three hearing dates that we have encountered to date.  Somehow I didn’t hear my alarm going off for nearly 40 minutes!  I had less than 20 minutes to get up, dressed, coiffed and out the door.  I was feeling frazzled and a bit off since I had to rush through everything. When I got there, I saw my attorney speaking to a woman.   My amazing friend Joyce Short had come down from NYC to support me in my hearing.  She, herself, was deceived by a man who represented himself to be not who he was and wrote a book about it: Carnal Abuse by Deception.   She has extensive knowledge about the laws in various areas in terms of rape by deception and was the one to tell me that it could be recognized in New Jersey as a consensual act.

My attorney came back to me to say that Jordan was willing to sign a Civil Restraining Order which is not as concrete as the one for domestic violence.  It wouldn’t offer me the same protections.  If he were to contact me with the Civil Order I could use that as proof of harassment to then obtain ANOTHER domestic violence restraining order.  I told my attorney no, that I wanted the full protections and was willing to fight for it.  Roughly a half hour later we were called into court.

Judge John Tomasello who is a recall judge was hearing our case.  My attorney started my argument and I was sworn in before testimony.  We started to go over the background and all of the lies that were told to me.  The judge stopped him about 5 minutes in and asked him to get to the point.  He seemed annoyed and possibly even bored.  With some of my testimony he rolled his eyes.  I knew in that moment that I didn’t have a shot because he had already rendered his judgment and it wasn’t going to change no matter what I had said. I tried to now show my dismay across my face but I could feel the worry creep into crease lines in my forehead.  He called both attorneys to the bench to discuss the merits of what constitutes the ability of me to be able to appraise my own actions.  Back from the bench, my attorney told Judge Tomasello that given all of the information that I had at that time, I was UNABLE to appraise my actions since I had no idea who on earth I was engaging in a relationship with.  His entire existence was fabricated to me for months which turned into over a year.  My attorney continued to say that the law did not state as to how I could be mentally incapable of appraising my behavior, that the law didn’t specifically state via alcohol or drugs, but by ANY means which does not have the exception of deception.  The judge said that these were more examples of MY behaviour and not so much the behavior of William Jordan’s behavior.  I was aghast.  He said that if we followed these rules then there would be a lot of college boys in trouble.  Really?  Did he just liken Will Jordan’s behavior to that of some college frat boy trying to get laid by lying to a girl?  By some college guy in a bar using a pick up line?  Judge Tomasello ruled against me stating that it didn’t meet the criteria to permit him to grant it.  I was shocked.  I walked out with the victim’s advocate before anyone else, not wanting to see the smug look on the judge’s face. There is a small conference room right outside of the door and not wanting anyone to see the upset or tears on my face, I ducked into there. Joyce and my attorney soon followed.  Will Jordan’s attorney called my attorney out and again offered the Civil Restraing Order but without any other choice behind me I had to accept.  I felt sick in my stomach.  At least I still had the no contact order as a condition of bail which he still had failed to come up with.  I know he is going to have a bail hearing coming soon yet again since due process allows him to have one every 30 days.  Once we had done our conference all together, exited all together.  My attorney apologized for not getting it passed, but we knew that it was a little bit of a stretch.  This is where the law works against victims.  I basically have to wait to see if he has an ax to grind after he gets out of jail, stalks me or my children or heaven forbid harasses or hurts one of us before something can be done.  I don’t have the luxury of moving out of the country of him being deported like his last conviction.  I will still be here and unless he plans on moving out of the area which I highly doubt, at least not in the immediate time afterwards, especially if he needs to have a probationary period afterwards.

I was exhausted.  Physically, emotionally.  I was really upset at the outcome of the day but there was relief that it was over.  I didn’t have to see him again for quite a while. Bail hearings were done via video conference and the monitor faces the court and the attorneys, not the audience. There was no postponing, no more court dates in the near future.  I thanked Joyce immensely for all of her support these past couple of months.  She reminded me that we may have lost the battle, but we still have to fight the war.  She is incredibly right.  I needed to look at the big picture and not get lost in that moment.  I needed to remember that my fight is far from over and I needed to remind myself of when I first went to the police with my case and my story.  How I said that I was willing to try to set a precedent and wade through uncharted waters to make rape by deception a newfound legal term but with certain parameters.  Even I realize the need for there to be explicit terminology so that it can’t be a law that is abused for things that are arbitrary.

Once I got to my car, the tears started to flow.  I was tired, I was emotional and angry.  I didn’t want anyone to see me in that state and made sure that I had myself together before I walked through the door to the house.  By then my daughter was home from school and I soon had to pick my son up from daycare.  They needed a strong mom and so I had to compartmentalize everything for a few hours.   Sleep eluded me that night and the sleep that I did get was riddled with oddly bizarre, frustrating and scary dreams.  I can’t believe it’s been nearly 4 months since I found out the truth and almost 2 months since he was arrested.  In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago and in other ways it feels like yesterday.

When I woke up I had a variety of emails, Facebook messages and text messages that were uplifting, supportive and reminders of my cause.  People who were amazed at my strength and courage.  Most times I don’t feel all that strong or courageous.  Just someone who was wronged and wanted to make sure that this never happened again to anyone else, at least not in the near future. To educate his other victims that he could have had over the last 4 years and lend them the same sort of support that others have given to me.   Joyce had written about my day in court in a much more animated and vocal way than I did.  She was absolutely livid about how I was treated.  Her article can be read here: Judge In William Allen Jordan Case

The Aftermath

So it’s been 14 just over weeks since I found out the truth about William Allen Jordan, his lies, his deceit and all about his sordid past.  My world had abruptly collapsed all around me in February of 2014.  In March I decided that I needed to do something about it in order to stop it and I started talking to connections and friends to ask their connections as to what steps I could do, what rights I had and how could I get this monster stopped in the short-term.  Mary Turner Thomson, Jordan’s second wife whom he was married to while still married to his first wife, was of a great help to me in many ways.  She put me in touch with a production company that was producing a 10 part series to be aired on the Discovery Channel in the UK and Sky1 in the UK and one of the parts was done on Will Jordan.  I did a brief Skype interview with them just to update their story.  That turned into being put in touch with another production company who wants to do a full length documentary on this man and the wide-spread of victims and damage he has left in his wake.

While I continued to pretend with WIll Jordan that we could “work it out” I continued to seek out the legal avenues I had against him. I knew I wanted to stop him but knew that the last victim that tried to get him arrested, he got tipped off and fled to Mexico for a month where he scammed another poor woman and once she fount out the truth he came back to the United States to prey on others, I’m sure.  So meeting after meetings, I would secretly record our conversations knowing that at some point he would say something that would really be incriminating or at least a near confession and on more than one instance, I got it.

I was working with my local authorities, giving them evidence, bank records, text messages, emails, telling them my story which took hours and hours start to finish.  I would take his stories and verify it with his exes to see if the stories were true.  They were able to validate what was true, what was partially true and what was out-and-out lies.  The first 6 weeks went by ok.  After that it started to become more and more exhausting to deal with him. Trying to keep ahead of his thought process, while keeping everything as close to the same as it used to be between us, things I would say, routines that we had, all the while trying to not give my true feelings of anger and near hatred away when we were together.  Sometimes he would say things that I knew were out-and-out lies because either Mary or one of his other exes would have told me what the true story was and I had to hide the infection of my voice that was skeptical. Sometimes, I couldn’t help but goad him and tell him that so-and-so had told me x-y-z already and what was his take on the same situation.  I would hear his side of the story but absolutely never believed a single word that came out of his mouth.  The last two weeks of the set up I was really getting increasingly panicked about him.  I was emotionally and physically spent.  Several other things had gone on around me as well which were deeply emotionally tragic and dealing with my feelings and supporting some people very special to me while really coming to terms with my own loss was becoming unbearable.

Finally one day the police called me and without the entire case completed, they went to the judge to present it physically instead of via phone.  The case was so complicated and really needed to be seen and not heard so they took the chance in order to get the probable cause order for the charges in order to obtain a warrant for his arrest.  I kept in touch daily with Jordan.  As long as my phone buzzed with his messages daily, I knew he wasn’t on the run. I signed my complaint, warrants were issued, spoke with the judge about a temporary restraining order and then the plan to get him arrested started to take shape.

The next day we agreed to meet and without going into too many details, the police closed in and cuffed him.  He stared me down from across the street where I was and I couldn’t take his intimidation so I ran into the store behind me packing the aisles like a maniac.  i am sure that the employees must have thought that I was s shoplifter or kind of shady.  A female officer came in to talk to me after Jordan was handcuffed and he was evidently trying to say that it was all a mistake, that we were working it out and having a baby (none of which is correct by his knowledge).  She told me she didn’t know what was going on as she had just been dispatched there.  She sat me in the back of her car and I just lost it.  I absolutely lost it to her and kept saying “I can’t believe it’s over” repeatedly.  I was shaking and sobbing all at once. My local police then took him away and I felt immense relief.

I called a friend who lived nearby and also Donna Andersen of LoveFraud.com also drove up to me to cover the story for the DailyMail. We went out to some coffee so that I could just settle myself down, get some much-needed support and hugs and kind of just wind myself down before I went back home.  I knew he was going for processing in my town and then off to the county jail.  I wanted to waste as much time as I possibly could so that he would be out of my town limits before I went back to them.

I went home and felt like the whole day was surreal.  He left a folder in my car that day that I was told was ok to look through since it was left in my own car.  In it was receipts for bank deposits, retail receipts for days that he had told me that his mother was in the hospital for blood pressure observation and another day that his dad needed some sort of surgical procedure.  Based on the date and timestamps of the receipts I found, none of those stories were true.  I did, however see that the kids in Cherry Hill were back in school (this was the week of Easter Sunday) and realized that they had off of school the week before whereas my daughter had off of school the week after.  Then the realization hit me.  His primary relationship probably has kids who were off of school the week BEFORE Easter/Passover and was spending his time with her and possibly her kids.  It was the first time since I had confronted him that he had deliberately broken plans with me.  That, coupled with the fact that a friend of mine had seen him coming out of the Moorestown Mall in March or April and got into an older model white car with an older blonde woman in it.   When I questioned him about this he said that he had to run to Sears to purchase a faucet as he was renovating a bathroom for a woman his dad works with.  At the time I didn’t question it to him but my friend said that he was coming out of the food court entrance which is at the opposite side of the mall, so his story absolutely didn’t wash as Sears has multiple entrances of its own.  So I know that there is at least that woman.

It’s been nearly 6 weeks since he was arrested.  I know that I am sleeping safer, I’m not stalking my phone every day in anxious anticipation to see if he shows up or doesn’t show up.  I am not spending as many days awake for 30+ hours because I worked all night, spent all day with him, went home to be a mom to my kids and then was so exhausted I couldn’t get to sleep until after midnight sometimes. I’m not inconstant suspicion of his lies, questioning his whereabouts or pleading for him to do more as a loving partner.  I am letting go of my sorrow, letting go of some of the hurt and anger and trying to find myself in all of this.  I know that I will never be the Mischele I was before I met him. I need to find out who the new me is.  I know it’s going to be very, very hard for me to trust people, especially men, in the future.  I do realize that not all men are like William Jordan.  My rational side says that this is a very unique and unexpected situation.  However my emotional side wonders if I’ll ever be able to pick up the fragile shards of my heart, my psyche, my self esteem to even put together something that vaguely resembles who I was.  I know it’s only been a short time and with the whole legal process in front of me, I know that it’s not going to go away overnight.  It’s going to be a long road ahead, but I will figure it out as I go along and keep you guys all apprised of how it’s going.  Please, feel free to post your comments, your ideas or even your own stories.  Sharing is empowering!