So a few things have happened in the last week: first I received a phone call from my friend <a title=”Joyce Short” href=”http://cadalert.blogspot.com/”>Joyce Short</a> saying that she was contacted through her blog and she told me that I was entitled to something called Nicole’s Law which allows a victim of a sexual offense to obtain a restraining order against the offender without ever having to go to court to face them. Basically everything I have gone through for my restraining order the last month which was then denied by a misogynistic judge was for nothing. I didn’t have to face Will Jordan in court, I didn’t have to pay attorney fees, I didn’t have to stress over date after date after date and waste my time, including calling out of work one night in order to go to court the next day. I called my victim’s advocate and left a fairly scathing voicemail for her asking why no one ever offered this to me. I also went to my local police department and asked them why they didn’t offer it to me either, knowing what I was going through. Everyone said they didn’t know. Well you can best bet, they all know now. Nicole’s mother called both the prosecutor’s office as well as my local police department and read everyone the riot act to not know the law that she and her daughter fought so hard to obtain through their own experiences. I received a call at 11am the next morning saying that I was granted a Nicole’s Law restraining order and that the paperwork would be put in the mail for me. I received it the very next day with William Jordan’s horrible signature on it so I knew he was served it in jail. As of today he has spent 9 weeks and 2 days behind bars. Nine weeks of knowing that he isn’t conning any woman out of anything, that he isn’t manipulating any woman, her children or her family for his own selfish gains. Nine weeks that I have been able to give his other victims solace for the same reasons.
This brings me to the nightmares. For the last couple of weeks I have been having nightmares often relating to William Jordan. They’re not menacing, per se. They are typically normal situations, everyday goings on but in my dream’s mind I know that he is an evil man and I can feel the anxiety and stress of being with him in my dream. I have also been having nightmares about work which is weird because work is a place that I find solace. It’s a place where we generally do NOT talk about William Jordan, my case or anything else going on unless someone specifically asks me about it or if I haven’t seen a certain co-worker in a while and they want an update. I have no problem talking about it but I know that work is somewhere that I can escape from it for the most part. I have even had nightmares of Will Jordan IN my workplace. Talk about horrific. Sometimes I have enough wherewithal in my dream to tell myself to wake up and sometimes I am cognizant to know that it’s just a dream but can’t wake up from it and am forced to torment through it. Sometimes I can tell my dream self that it’s not real, that it’s just a dream. It’s hard to describe being aware in a dream. It’s like looking in a mirror that’s facing a mirror and you see a million reflections of yourself? It’s my head telling my dream head which is having thoughts of its own.
Lastly is grand jury. It was this past Thursday. It’s where the Prosecutor, law enforcement and a jury of about 23 people are all convened. It’s closed. I’m not there, Will Jordan isn’t there, no attorneys. The Prosecutor has to convince this jury of a majority vote on my charges and Will Jordan can get indited on them. I know that the sexual assault charge is the most borderline one but the one I need the most to get the most amount of jail. It would be 6+ years and what carries the bulk of his bail. Per my victim’s advocate it will take a week to get the results to where they are public. The prosecutor did not want to talk to me, didn’t want my additional evidence and outside of my victim’s impact statement, would take nothing from me. The day before I called my advocate just crying. I told her to tell the prosecutor on my case to please do a good job. I just couldn’t hold my emotions back anymore. I have been doing the dull fugue state for a while now. Lost in the beginning and then tucked my emotions far away and focused on the tasks at hand, at the interminable “to do” list, tackle each hurdle as it came. Part of me so wants to be done with all of this but I know I will never be done. It will never end because if I stop then it makes it easy for him to get out, to do this again and for his victims to stay hidden. I hope that they eventually come across me, come across Mary Turner Thomson and have the strength to come to us for help. I hope that in the 9.5 weeks that William Jordan has been incarcerated, I have saved at least one if not multiple women from being wronged, hurt, conned or impregnated by him. If one of the women that he has recently been with or was currently conversing with has given up on him – fantastic. I am sure as the sun rises that there are others, that there have been others. It’s too weird that he had a grey Honda Pilot for the first 5 months of our relationship and then nothing. I speaking with his exes, I may have been his “safe haven” that was his home base and then there might have been one who was just financial, another who was sexual, etc – a role for each woman. Being he was talking marriage, encouraging me to go on with my education, he was probably thinking long-term with me. I don’t rightly care. The truth would have come out eventually and had he come to me on his own? Who knows. I may not have taken the road I had. I may have given him credit for being honest with me and walked away with my tail between my legs. I know for damned sure I would not have stayed. He likes to reel his victims back in. That’s where his chase begins, where it gets “fun” and “challenging” for the psychopathic mind. I find that absolutely sickening. I can’t envision a person without empathy, without the ability to form real and meaningful connections with people. I’m a nurse. My whole career is enveloped in compassion, empathy and care. I help take care of life’s smallest and most precious patients.
I have also been blessed to have been put in touch with a bunch of great people along the way of this process. People who tell me I’m strong and inspiring which I still have a hard time believing and people I feel are strong and inspiring. I feel like a newbie of a strange club of people who have learned to stand up to the evil in the world and at least have some pointers for me and guidance along this horrible road along the way. I am learning new things, learning how to carve my way, taking notes, trying to remember a lot of things, names, places, facts. It’s crazy. I am never going to stop wanting justice for myself and other women in similar circumstances. Think locally, act globally. I am starting here and now and going as far as this will take me for as long as it can. I owe it to everyone. Keep posted on the results coming later this week!