Tag Archive | lovefraud

Slacking and Other Updates

Ok, I will be the first to admit, I haven’t posted an update in about forever!  So much has happened in the last few months.  As a start, I still reply to all comments that come to me here and to every email that comes to me through this site and for being diligent in sending your messages along, I thank you.  I get far less hate mail and far more support emails and messages for help or those who just want to tell their stories and know they are not alone.  I was hoping that this would be the end result at some point.  Kindred spirits all conjoining together.  I know that I felt really good to know that I wasn’t alone in my own situation with other William Jordan victims, to hear their stories, hear their feelings and see how they have overcome it all through the years and how it does get better.  It’s true, time does heal all things.  I am in a better place than I was 6 months ago and certainly in a better place a year ago when the whole legal drama ended with Jordan going back to jail. That, I will say, is where my healing truly began.

I started to write my book and when it got just past the part of his first arrest, to read back on my own text messages and emails became really hard.  To analyze it all through different eyes was hard.  I had seen where I was trusting too much, loving too much, putting faith in not just one basket, but a basket full of holes.  Gaping ones.  I was able to read conversations between us where he would constantly turn things around on me.  Everything was my fault.  I misinterpreted something he said, I took something out of context, I extrapolated something the wrong way, I was reading more into something than it was, I was being too sensitive, etc, etc, etc.  He would apologize before making a back handed comment that I wouldn’t recognize in my need for forgiveness and acceptance.  So I took time off from the book.  Then last summer I decided to do something crazy like go back to school in 7 week blocks instead of 15 week semesters.  It was very writing intensive and with the kids home from school, trying to be a full time nurse, full time mom and a student on top of it, the book got further pushed to the wayside.  After 2 semesters, I was really feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all.  I realized that online learning is not my cup of tea.  It has been 10 years since I graduated college the first time, but I was married and my daughter was young.  I wasn’t working so that I could focus on school full time and my daughter was in daycare on my school days and picked up by my husband while I studied with my my group of study buddies whom I still consider sacred friends to this day.  I need a classroom, but I am a different woman now.  I work full time nights, I am a full time single mom.  My mom watches my kids on the nights and weekends that I work so I can’t manage to saddle her any more to watch the kids so that I can attend classes and also adjust my work schedule to attend classes in person.  So now school is on hold and we are going back to the book.  I NEED to complete the book.  For starters, a lot of people are asking me about it because they want to read the details that no print or television interview can ever convey because there is just not enough time.  I also wanted enough time to go by that I could also go through the healing process of the last year rather than just the whole sordid story itself.

I am dedicating the year of 2016 as a good year.  It’s going to be a year of metamorphosis and change. It’s going to be life anew on many levels: personally, internally, professionally, educationally and any other way that I can find.  I did an interview with Fox News locally for a show called Chasing News.  It airs between Philadelphia and New York and either leads into the 10pm news or at midnight. It’s a show shot on GoPro cameras and then the various producers discuss the different segments.  So on a random day at Starbucks, me and the one producer, Jessica had an hour long chat.  We’re both local and she had come across my story. In the end Jordan, who has refused every interview that has gone his way – probably because he doesn’t want to get crucified more in the media than he already has been – said he just wants to move on with his life.  That his hysterical!!!  Hopefully he will never be able to move on with another female as long as he lives because he will NEVER change his spots.  After 3 decades of conning and deceit, it’s not going to change. Perhaps he should have made better choices in life.  He has made his bed and will have to lie in his bed of consequences forever.  As if the 20+ victims in his wake will ever be able to truly move on without a scar on their heart and their psyche. As if they will ever be the whole people they were before. Yeah, good luck with that buddy.  As is typical, the male point of view was very antagonistic and judgmental about the sex by fraud law.  It’s always the same misconception: that anyone and everyone will just go willy nilly accusing people of sex by deception.  Unfortunately for the truly ignorant, the judicial system doesn’t work like that.  You will have to provide your burden of proof, your absolute proof that you were deceived, intentionally for the sake of sex.  To prove that the other person acted truly out of malicious intent.  The police are not going to go around arresting every jilted lover out there. That isn’t even the purpose nor intent of the law.  It’s to catch those who go around and essentially catfish people egregiously. Those who lie about their identity, steal another’s identity in order to be with someone and for the purpose to deceive, harm, steal another’s identity, steal their possessions, cause emotional distress up to and including symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder as some victims have experienced in the aftermath of the most severe mental manipulators. Those are the criminals that I want to get off the streets.  The people who would serve to be a psychiatrist’s dream case. So just know, you are not alone.  You are never alone. I have received upwards of 300 emails and facebook messages over the last year of men and women who have been conned in their past.  Sometimes it’s a crime of the heart and mind and others have literally lost everything.  It astounds me as to how common these kinds of crimes are but next to none are prosecuted.  I have hope that in telling people the steps I took, that some people have sought justice in their own right.  For those who couldn’t, I know what it’s like to feel helpless because that’s how I felt before the authorities got involved in my case and it started to take shape.  I can feel that feeling like it was yesterday rather than 2 years ago.  The strong urge to want to stop this reign of terror but not knowing what steps to take, where to turn and who would help.  I also told very few people because I felt so incredibly stupid for falling prey to something like that.  I felt full of shame and regret for putting my family, my children and my friends through that year of fakeness and some people endure it for years or decades.  I have lost friends because of what happened and get judged about it all of the time, but I am in a place that I just don’t give a shit.   I took back my power by giving it a voice, by giving it a name and by going public about it.  Is it for everyone?  No. Everyone has to find their own healing process whether it be through therapy, art, working out, yoga, meditation, music or shouting it loud from the rooftops.  Find what works for you and roll with it.  I hope you find your inner peace.  Below is the Fox News interview:

Advertisements

Here We Go Again

I was approached about a week and a half ago about a follow up article being done by the Philadelphia Daily News.  They covered my case from last year and wanted to update people on what has happened since they first reported everything and I agreed.  Little did I know that this would thrust everything back into the spotlight.   Since the article appeared on the front page of the paper Tuesday,  I have done 2 radio interviews:  one for CBS and another for KYW, both out of Philadelphia and have a Skype interview scheduled for Saturday morning for Fox in Philadelphia.  I will be in NYC next week filming for a new show to debut this fall.  Detains on that to follow when I have the official word to share it. 😉

Here is the link to the Philadelphia Daily News article: Philly.com

It was also featured on LoveFraud here: LoveFraud.com

I have to be honest (not that I haven’t been to you guys), but I kind of took the last few months off of everything.  The case was done and people who were supposed to be “helping” me with this law, stabbed me in the back and it has left a very bitter taste in my mouth.  As if I didn’t have trust issues already, it makes me want to tell nobody anything lest they try to either claim it as their own or sabotage it because they believe in one thing and it’s not quite the direction I wanted to go in.  It was like being victimized by victims themselves.  Perhaps they can’t help themselves and it’s their own self defense mechanism, however they had been at this a lot longer than I have been and was looking for guidance.  I feel like this whole world of legislation and legal battles – I’m just a newbie.  I’m not an attorney but I do my research on the current laws and revisions in New Jersey as well as the laws that there are across the country and internationally.  I am HUMAN.  I can definitely tell that I have grown a lot in the last year, because comments made about me in online articles, tweets, facebook and emails used to really offend me, but I am better now at brushing a lot of it off.  I realize that most of the people making those comments are generally ignorant about my case.  They read one article and it’s just a snapshot of everything that I have gone through in the last 2.5 years, not the whole picture. One facebook commenter even admitted that she doesn’t even live in this country, let alone this state and admitted that she didn’t know how the whole judicial/legislative process worked, yet she was so against my law.  Really???   So, you were all in a tizzy over my bill and it will NEVER affect you?   Then why be mad about it?   I certainly wouldn’t knock a law I didn’t believe in if it happened, say, in Germany or Japan.  I absolutely wouldn’t bash the victim for crying out loud.   People are also still operating under the same old assumptions:  that he dumped me, that I didn’t do my research, that I made poor decisions and want all men to suffer for them and that this law will catch every liar out there.  False, false, false and false!

I will say this, yet again.  I broke things off with him the very next day after I found out the truth.  I then proceeded to set him up for 9 weeks while I gathered up evidence to support my case.  This ties into to catching every liar out there.  People think that you can just accuse people willy nilly?  Wrong!   You need some kind of evidence to back up your claims or else the police won’t even talk to you.  I had absolutely air tight evidence and yet I was constantly scrutinized and essentially prosecuted right along William Jordan.  As for research:  I researched EVERYTHING that I had on that man that I was given – email address, phone number, name, etc. I even tried to search where he said he went to school.  Nothing ever came up wrong and want to know why?  Because EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME WAS LIES!  I can’t google what I don’t know the information to and when I finally had the correct name, what I found was horrendous and confronted him the very next day.  Last is about poor decisions.  First of all, read back to the early posts of this blog and see the timeline of events.  We didn’t take our relationship physical until we were many months into the relationship and the whole “secret agent” story didn’t come out until months after that.  He didn’t pretend to have loads of money, he said he lived a simple lifestyle.  He didn’t live life with expensive things or a flashy exterior.  I was with him because he seemed like a genuinely good person but with a devil’s interior.  I was in it for the long haul preparing to get married and start a family.  I wasn’t in it for any awesome benefit other than to just be with this person and share our lives and love together.  People have commented about waiting until marriage to have sex.  Come on, it’s 2015, not 1897.  I am sure if you took a poll of couples and saw how many people has premarital sex, I am sure you would see that the numbers would probably be over 70%.  I also didn’t rush into it either, so where is the poor decision?  Why because I couldn’t be a super sleuth and find out about who he was earlier?  Compared to many victims, I got off fairly easy.  I am out one year of my life as opposed to many years or decades.

Want to know why this seems like a foreign concept to a lot of people?  Because nobody talks about it.  Victims skulk away in their shame and humiliation.  They don’t tell their friends or families.  They just tell people that they broke up with their partner and go about their lives no other answered questions.  They suffer in silence when they don’t have to.  I have received so many emails from other victims and at least 90% never told a soul what they were going through.  How sad is that?  I know I couldn’t have done it without the amazing support of my friends and family which I continue to receive.  However, the emotional toll it takes on a person is devastating.  The depression, anxiety, anger, trust issues going forward and always the self doubt and mental mutilation that people put themselves through.  If you are someone who can just encapsulate your feelings and shove it in some mental filing cabinet never to be seen again?  Congratulations, you are in the minority.  I am just trying to give victims an outlet, recourse and to know that you are NOT alone!  Not all victims are as lucky as me to of had alternative charges against Jordan that I could get him jailed for.  Not everyone loses money to where they can claim fraud or are stalked to where they can claim harassment.  A lot of these psychopaths/sociopaths are so incredibly smart and clever.  They are often pros at their game and know exactly who to target and how.  They are master manipulators and can turn any conversation around on you without you even knowing it.  Listening back on old conversations, I can see how he would so slyly turn arguments around on me and make me feel like I was at fault for everything or that it was my perception of things or my thinking was wrong.  Then they turn around and make you feel like the most cherished possession in their life. It’s emotionally horrifying to find out that all of that is a lie. The violation that accompanied it was immeasurable and THAT is the basis behind this law.

The whole process is going to take about 2 years, maybe.  The law will be revised again and again to make it palatable for lawmakers to want to lend their John Hancock to it. Oh, and rape was removed out of , the law within 3 weeks of it being introduced, so everyone is still hung up on that work even though it hasn’t been a part of the terminology since at least December.  The law is sex by fraud rather than rape by deception as people got offended over the semantics.  As I have updates, I will update you all but as of right now it’s a waiting game.  Plus I don’t want to post too much lest this info fall into the wrong, sabotaging hands.

Until next time…..